


Weird Wednesday

by Cobalt_Blue99



Series: Thwip Thwip [1]
Category: Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: Don't Judge, I'm new here, Spidey's having a bad day, i don't know how to tag
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-06
Updated: 2020-09-06
Packaged: 2021-03-06 16:49:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,862
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26322172
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cobalt_Blue99/pseuds/Cobalt_Blue99
Summary: Spidey's having a really weird day. Seriously. And who names their dog Spanky?
Series: Thwip Thwip [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1912639
Kudos: 3





	Weird Wednesday

**Author's Note:**

> All right, this is my first post. I wrote this little ball of regret a few years ago and I thought I would post it to get a feel for the site. So... My inspiration for this oddball was a '70s TV show called Emergency! Best show ever, 10/10, would recommend (but maybe I'm a little biased 'cause I grew up without cable).
> 
> Without further ado, I present to you Weird Wednesday!

"You even just have a feeling that it is gonna be a really weird day?"

Hawkeye stopped fiddling with his arrow long enough to look up at Spider-Man and give him an odd look. "Not really."

Spider-Man sighed. "Well, I do. I'm gonna call it now: it's gonna be a really weird day."

Hawkeye shrugged, not really caring. "Whatever you say, kid."

Spider-Man flipped off the ceiling and landed in front of his friend. "I'm serious, Barton," He said. "Watch yourself out there. The stars are aligned or something. All the crazies are gonna come slithering out of their storm drains today."

Hawkeye twirled the arrow in his hand before placing it in his quiver with an easy grin. "Spidey, this is New York City. Only crazies live here! Besides, I live with a nerd who can turn into a green rage-fueled monster and a literal god. Can't get much stranger than that. I think I'm good."

"Don't say I didn't warn you," Spider-Man said with a defeated sigh. "But me, I'm going to go see if I can find an old bomb shelter to hunker down in until this all blows over. Later!"

With that, Spider-Man leapt through an open window, but not before the red-and-blue clad teen heard Hawkeye mutter, "Kids."

Spidey let himself fall down the side of the tower for a minute, just enjoying the rush of wind against his costume.

This was the part of the job he liked the most: the adrenaline.

If you had told the nerdy Peter Parker of the past that he would one day free fall off Avengers Tower, he wouldn't have laughed in your face (self-preservation), but he would have silently judged you.

Yet here he was, chilling midair a hundred stories up just enjoying the view.

Spidey waited until the ground was getting dangerously close before shooting a web onto a nearby building. He felt the familiar strain on his arms as the line pulled taunt, saving him from becoming another stain on the filthy New York City pavement.

He couldn't help the cry of exhilaration that slipped out as he dipped into a swing. As he reached the peak of the swing, he let go of the web and did a flip before shooting out another web-line. 

Web-slinging was a blast! Still, as much fun as Spidey was having, he couldn't shake the feeling that it was just going to be one of those days.

He was just about to round a building when he faintly heard, "Hey! Spider-Man, help!"

Spider-Man glanced down to see a teenage girl standing in a park waving her arms while jumping up and down to catch his attention.

"And so it begins," He muttered to himself.

He shifted his weight to change his directory before landing on the ground a few feet away from the girl.

"How can I help you, ma'am," Spider-Man said deeply, purposely trying to lower his voice.

"My dog is stuck in that tree."

"Of course," Spider-Man said cheerfully. "I'll get him down in a- wait what?"

The girl pointed at a tree, exasperated. "My dog. Is stuck. In that. Tree."

Spidey cleared his throat. "Uh. Okay."

He walked towards the tree the girl was pointing at and sure enough, he could see a little white and brown terrier yipping in the upper branches of the tree.

"Well," Spider-Man deadpanned, "that isn't something you see every day. How'd he even get up there?"

"He climbed," The girl stated passively. 

"Right," Spider-Man replied slowly.

The girl just crossed her arms and glared at him.

Spidey threw up his hands. "Okay, fine. I'll save your tree-climbing dog."

He walked over to the tree and shimmied up it. He stopped as he reached the little dog, who started freaking out at his intrusion. He reached over to grab the dog, who promptly tried to bite him. Spidey quickly yanked his hand back.

"Geez pup," Spider-Man snapped. "I'm trying to save you. Now be a good boy and hold still."

He tried again, but alas, it was to no avail. With a sigh, he looked down at the bored girl and asked, "Hey, what's the name of your dog?"

"Spanky."

Spider-Man turned back to the growling dog. "You know what," He said. "With a name like that, I'd probably hate everyone too."

It took Spidey another few tries before successfully snagging and hauling the snarling canine down the tree. He handed the girl the angry dog and told her, "Name the next one Fluffy."

With that, Spidey shot out a web and swung away. He had only made it a few blocks before he heard maniacal laughter coming from the street below. He prepared himself mentally for a supervillain beat down and dropped to the street in a superhero pose. He looked up, ready for a fight to see...

A girl dressed in a green lizard costume with a pink crown and holding a plastic princess wand.

What?

The girl spun around, a look of shock on her face. Oops. He must have said that aloud.

The shock quickly turned into an evil grin. "Ah, Spider-Man," She said cheerfully. "I was hoping to catch the attention of a superhero, but I guess you'll do."

"First of all, ouch," Spider-Man said, pretending to look hurt. "And second of all, what's with the costume? Pretty sure Halloween isn't for a few months, and I must say, pink and green don't look great together."

"Pink and green look amazing together!" The lizard girl snapped. "Just for that, I'm gonna give you a special surprise."

Spider-Man was about to retort with a clever quip when his spider-sense started to scream. He quickly leapt away just as a bright pink beam shot out of the princess wand and landed right where he was standing a moment ago.

"Missed me, missed me, please don't kiss me," He joked.

He dodged the beam again.

"Hold still," Lizard girl hissed as she shot again.

Spidey was about to pounce on her when a creepy smile slowly crept onto her face.

"Fine," She said, smirking. "You don't want my present, I'll give it to someone else."

"Wait, don't!" Spidey yelled, panicked as the girl aimed her wand at a nearby curious spectator.

Without a moment’s hesitation, he leapt in front of the spectator taking the hit, the force of the blow knocking him off his feet. He rolled a few feet and stopped with a low groan at the feet of the spectator who just snapped a photo of the fallen hero with his smartphone and calmly walked off.

Spidey quickly jumped to his feet and patted up and down his chest checking for damage. There wasn't a hole or anything, and other than a slight tingling sensation, he was surprised to find that there was nothing wrong. He swung around to face the lizard girl.

"Atwhay idday ouyay oday?" Spidey demanded. It took a moment for him to realize what had come out of his mouth. His breath hitched and he threw his arms in the air, shouting, "Ouyay avehay otgay otay ebay ittingshay emay."

The lizard girl scrunched up her face. "Wow, that's some pretty foul language coming from a hero."

"Ouyay ancay understandyay emay?" Spidey asked the girl hopefully.

The lizard girl shrugged. "Yeah, my brother only spoke Pig Latin for like a whole year. It was really annoying. Actually, hearing you speaking it is triggering me, so... I'm gonna head out."

"Aitway! Ywhay idday ouyay oday isthay enthay?" Spidey asked, confused.

The lizard girl shrugged again. "Some days, I just want to watch the world burn. Oh, and don't worry. It'll wear off by the end of the day. Anyways, it was nice meeting you. See ya!"  
With a small wave, the girl vanished in a cloud of pink smoke.

Spider-Man just stood there, stunned. Yeah, it was definitely going to be a weird day.

And it was. Spidey spent the whole afternoon running from one odd emergency to the next. One guy had managed to start a kitchen fire making cannoli, then he had to stop two ex's from throwing shoes at each other from across the street, and then he stopped a bank robbery where the guy brandishing a crayon as a weapon.

The strangest part was that no normal criminals had popped up at all. As far as Spidey knew, there had not been a single usual mugging, robbery, or good ol' fashion villain brawl. Nothing.

The police seemed to be just as confused as Spidey. Or maybe it was the Pig Latin... He couldn't tell. But with the way things seemed to be going today, a vigilante speaking Pig Latin was probably the least weird thing they had seen. You could see it in their eyes.

And then, somehow, it got even stranger.

A bunch of rioters dressed as stereotypical Mexicans, sombreros and everything, where fighting a very exasperated group of Avengers.

Spidey just stared at the odd scene going on below him for a minute before jumping in to help. He landed next to Hawkeye and batted away a maraca, which promptly blew up, before webbing the guy to a light post.

"I'myay ettypray uresay esethay uysgay areyay acistray," He said as he threw a punch at a guy swinging a vihuela at him.

Hawkeye glanced at him before shooting an arrow at a guy on a burro. "Seems like you're having a day similar to ours."

Spidey rolled his eyes and stated, "Ouyay on'tday owknay ethay alfhay ofyay ityay."

"Yeah," Hawkeye said with a grin as he grabbed another arrow, "I'm just going to pretend I understood all that."

The fight didn't last much longer before the rioters ran off, yelling profanities in horrible high school level Spanish.

"Acistray urdstay," Spidey muttered as he walked them slink off. He was about to go after them when he felt a hand on his shoulder.

He glanced over at Hawkeye who just shook his head. "Not worth it."

Spider-Man shrugged in agreement. He turned to his friend with a shit-eating grin and asked, "Osay . . . ow'shay ityay oinggay?"

Hawkeye didn't understand him, but he knew what the kid was saying. He sighed and face palmed. "I hate it when you're right," He groaned. "You got any room in that bomb shelter?"

Spidey just laughed. "Andyay ethay ay'sday onlyyay alfhay overyay!"

Suddenly, an explosion rocked the street. Spider-Man and Hawkeye quickly got into a fight stance. They were only slightly surprised when gold glitter slowly started to fall from the sky. They looked up to see a man dressed in gold spandex standing on the roof above them.

"Hahaha!" The man laughed. "Fear me! For I am... The Glitterman!"

With that, the man threw another bomb, causing more glitter to rain down onto the streets below.

Both of the heroes groaned. They just turned and stared at each other for a moment, neither wanting to deal with the inevitable headache.

"Iyay otgay imhay," Spider-Man finally said with a sigh. He shot a web onto the building and pulled himself up.

Hawkeye just shook his head.

Captain America walked up behind the archer. "What did he say?"


End file.
